Greetings Loved One,
(*This is a really long one, bear with me. The first half was written March 19, and the second half April 19. So it is pieced together)
So, the past two weeks have been a whirlwind. Not only on Pohnpei, but all over the world. The COVID-19 pandemic has left many in fear and concern as there is no direct cure for it at the moment. People are being displaced all over the world, and with this confusion and chaos so much seems uncertain.
Last Wednesday, March 11, Cindy, Taylor and myself took our grading to one of the coffee shops to get off campus. As we were sitting there, we started discussing how crazy the virus had become. For us on Pohnpei, it still seemed far away and there seemed to be no need for concern other than if we were to get news of the virus coming near our tiny island. We had very few thoughts on leaving the island at any time soon, but we all figured that we were not going to fully make it to June 1st with the way things had started to escalate.
As we continued our week, I was keeping myself busy with grading my finals, subbing some classes and getting ready for high-school picnic. Thursday came with some unnerving news from back home, the virus had started to rapidly spread throughout the United States and the concerns from our loved ones back home spread too. We started getting emails from our respective universities either suggesting we return home, or giving us a choice to make if we wanted to stay. At that point all of us fully intended to be staying a little while longer, with no immediate plans of returning. On Friday, things started getting a little scarier, the arrival of the virus to our land seemed much closer and loomed over us. We continued on with our day, we had an awesome high-school picnic that our Student Association officers put on. I loved being able to see them team up and work together.
This weekend came with a lot of uncertainties. People wanted us home, and it no longer seemed to be in our control. So we started to come up with a plan. We talked and agreed to end school in 3 weeks, April 3 would then become our last day of school and instead of going on spring break, we would have early release and say goodbye to our kiddos then and there. That information was hard to stomach as it was. 3 weeks, that number confused my brain. I called Pastor Russ, back at Southwestern to talk with him, and he told me I had to leave when everyone else did, and that my safety was his biggest concern. I knew this to be true, and so I settled with the 3 week idea. That same night, we reconvined our earlier meeting, due to fresh news from some of the other student missionaries parents requesting that they return sooner. It hit me like another blow to my gut, so we discussed, even face-pacing our already fast-paced plan and turn it into one week instead of three, our new return date was scheduled to be on the 22nd of March. Once I felt as though I was able to breathe again, despair started to sink in, because that only gave me one week left on my island home. I went to bed, and I was praying, asking God how I could make the most of my only week left on my beautiful home. Sunday March 15 came around, and we decided to make the most of our last week, we got up early and left the school before sunrise so we could watch it from Nett Point and marvel as we watched, what we did not know at the time, our last sunrise together. It was a fun morning which involved some trespassing to get the best view and it was well worth it all. The rest of the day proved to be a Sunday just like the majority of the other ones we had already experienced. Plans and things needed to be prepared for the coming week, and I did not feel like doing anything in those regards. One of the representatives from the US embassy came to our school to have a meeting with us, talking about our options and opportunities as US citizens to make sure that we knew how we could get out of the FSM when and if we needed to. I guess that sufficed for the moment, I know several of us started to work with our universities and travel agencies to get our flights changed that we may be able to fly out that next Sunday.
Even though, I feel as though we should have been prepared for what happened next, I know I was not. I went to bed Sunday night prepared to wake up Monday morning and go about normal daily activities, I was excited because my students and I were going to finish watching the movie Fireproof in our class before starting our next unit on the Gospel of John. I finally had drifted off to sleep, when Jasmine, our housemate, burst into our room, declaring we had an emergency meeting. I grudgingly rolled out of my bed onto the floor, I thought it was 2 am, but it was only 10:30, and hurried down to the office. Once there, we were informed there were 3 confirmed cases of COVID-19 on the island of Guam, and a possible case in our own hospital on Pohnpei. This devastated us, because we knew if the virus was on our island, we would not have the best medical care to tend to the island’s needs. Needless to say, we did not sleep that night, we found out the governor had closed all the schools on Pohnpei until further notice. Many of us spent that night calling our parents, and universities trying to get our flights moved sooner. Seven student missionaries booked their flights for the next day, and the rest of us booked our tickets for Wednesday. Just like that, our one final week turned into 3 days. Dawn came soon enough and we were off to see some of our family leave. Throughout the year, Cindy, Matthew, and I went to the track every morning to walk/run and we spent our last morning doing that together. Monday was filled with several goodbyes my heart would never be ready for, but it happened. I will spare you many details of what happened throughout the next two days, but many tears were shed, and it felt as though I was being ripped away from my island home. This was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to experience. But I clearly remember looking to God and telling Him I trusted Him In my mind it made no sense why we were leaving a completely safe place to return to a country in chaos. It is reassuring to me though, because God does not clear what HE has planned with me, because He is the Sovereign Almighty, and I am just His child.
Due to our rushed departure, we did not have a whole lot of time to be able to say our goodbyes. Thinking about it is one of the harder things about all of this. Knowing I did not get one last day to teach, or one last chapel. It would have been so hard for me to leave in June regardless, but the pain I feel from not having “proper closure” is hard. I have a fear that the kids will feel as though we abandoned them, and that breaks my heart. I said goodbye to my island dog Theodore who did not leave my side the last 24 hours I was there because he knew. Since we did not have much time to pack and put everything away properly, my office just looks really clean, because everything is how I left it even to having my nameplate sitting on my desk reading CK Kayla. My heart aches thinking about not being able to finish my year there, but I also had an odd sense of peace as we were departing.
Once we drove to the airport, the feeling started to set in, realizing how final this all was. I checked in my two suitcases which held so many memories and moments from my year, and then the tears and the pictures started flowing. Unfortunately due to the crisis, so many kids did not come to the airport to see us off like they normally do, and the thought of saying goodbye was heart-wrenching. Hundreds of photos and many hugs later, we found ourselves behind the security check-in waiting for our island-hopper flight to come in from Chuuk. We found out our flight was delayed, so we made ourselves comfortable and waited. The three girls which were left decided we could finally take off our skirts because we were leaving, but this was so hard for me to fathom, because wearing skirts/dresses in public had become one of the more normal practices that we did.
Finally our plane arrived and we boarded. I looked out my window and said goodbye to my island home one last time. I am unsure when God will bring me back there, but I trust it will be when the time is right. Pretty soon we landed on Kwajalein and picked up more people, most of the SM’s from Ebeye got onboard then. We took off to continue onto Majuro then Honolulu. Once touching down on Majuro, the sun had finally set. We sat on the tarmac for about an hour and a half, and were getting curious what was happening, they soon came on the intercom and told us there were some technical difficulties with the navigation system, and they were figuring out a solution. They told us we could get up and move around the airplane cabin for the time being. So we did, I was catching up with some of my friends from the other islands and we had no worries about when we would take off, because none of us were really in a rush to get back anytime soon. About another two hours passed, and they came on the intercom again and told us they had fixed it and then it broke again. They informed us at this point they would normally put us up in local hotels for the night due to this inconvenience. But, unfortunately the Marshall Islands were not letting anyone in due to the virus. They told us we would be there for at least 6 more hours for our rescue flight to come in from Guam. They decided to open up the flight to let us out onto the runway tarmac so we would be able to spread out and lay down if we wanted to. I did not know this yet, because I was still asleep on the plane, until someone told me we could go outside. So outside we went. Majuro’s runway has ocean on both sides of it, so I snuggled in close to some of my fellow SM’s to stay warm throughout the remainder of the night. I awoke right before the sun came up, it was amazing to have one more gift from the islands. I was given the opportunity to see one last island sunrise with some of the people who are closest to me in the world, and at that moment I was reassured every little thing was going to be okay. We took the time to laugh and make tiktoks and just be. It was such an interesting experience to be able to spend a night on the tarmac and to make our journey back to the states.
Of course, due to the 14 hours we spent stuck on Majuro my flights got rerouted, and that was a little overwhelming, especially having to go through customs and get everything re-checked in. Also having to go through security. I broke down in tears once or twice. Once safely back through security in Hawai’i, I headed straight towards the Starbucks and enjoyed an Iced Chai Tea Latte before boarding my connecting flight to Houston. At my gate I waved to my small SM family, the ones who helped to keep me grounded for the last 8 months as they saw me off because I was the first one to leave from our group. With that, I boarded my flight and knocked out before even taking off due to sheer exhaustion. I awoke as we were descending into Houston, and I peeked out my airplane window just in time to experience another sunrise, the same sunrise I had experienced several hours earlier had made it’s way around so that I was able to experience the sunrise of March 19, 2020 twice.
After landing in Houston I made my way to my last gate which was going to lead me onto my last flight to Orlando Florida. I was excited, and I am sure I was just a mess. There I was standing in my muumuu with a flower lei on my head with tear filled eyes. This was the moment it hit me, because I was finally alone, I felt the most alone I had in 8 months, not being surrounded by anybody I knew. I boarded my plane, and felt even more alone seeing that every single row around my seat was completely empty. I think there was only about 20 people at most on my flight. I spent the flight thinking and praying a lot, I actually wrote the first half of this email on the flight and I was anticipating being able to be reunited with my family in just a few short hours.
The two-hour flight went by in a blur, soon enough I could see the familiarities of my own state as we prepared to touchdown. I was filled with excitement and longing, as the mixture of emotions filled my brain. I was also highly caffeinated after having two cups of coffee to try and counteract the jet lag which was already acting on my body. As I exited the plane, I was happy to be greeted with a blanket of humidity which Florida so freely gives, but surprisingly, it did not feel humid at all, rather I noticed the lack of humidity and felt a little cold instead. As I walked through the airport I turned and walked to my parents who greeted me with balloons, flowers, and open arms. On the way home, my mother and I schemed on how I was to surprise my sister, because she was completely unaware, I had even left the island, thinking I would return in about a week. Needless to say, the surprise was successful, and it was nice to be reunited with her.
Now, today marks one month being back. It is crazy to even think about it. Not a day goes by where I do not think and long to be back on my island home. Yet, I am reminded my story is not over yet. When I close my eyes, or fall asleep, I am still in Pohnpei, laughing and enjoying the beauty of island living. Too often an alarm will rudely awake me from my island dreaming, but I am learning more and more to be present, as we navigate these troubled waters. I am in awe of our God and Creator seeing the wonderful things He constantly does. I have had a hard time adjusting to being back, jet lag had its time with me, but thankfully I am back to a (mostly) normal sleeping routine. I am so so so thankful for everything Pohnpei has given me, this email could have turned into a book, and if you have made it this far, congratulations.
As of right now, I am rediscovering my purpose for the time being. I am learning and figuring out what it is I need to be doing at the moment. While in Pohnpei I learned how to sew, and I have brought it back here with me. I am currently in the middle of sewing cloth face-masks and selling them. With each mask sold I have chosen to make one more to donate it. I know we are all in the middle of our own personal chaos, but I know it is also a journey we will be able to look back on in years to come and see whether or not it made us better or bitter.
I do not wish to waste this extra time I have been given, if I had a choice, I probably would have chosen to stay on Pohnpei, but looking at it now, there is not much I could have done at this point. I am so incredibly blessed to be where I am now. I have not really lived with my family since I was 14 due to going to boarding school and then straight to college, so we are navigating this territory together. Never in a million years would I have imagined being back here with them, but I know years from now I will be so thankful I was gifted with this extra time so that I may be still and enjoy those around me. I have been given the opportunity to catch up with loved ones and those around me. I am blessed to live in a place where I can go outside and enjoy the nature. Overall I am thankful, especially to all of you who have supported me on this mission and journey. Thank you for your love, prayers and support. I am thankful for your willingness to help be a part of my story. May God bless you abundantly, especially in the time of this uncertainty.
Kalanghan,
Kayla Goodman
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